The Alphabet According To Karen Walker

M is for Mood Elevators.

1. A is for Assface.

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Assface [noun]: a person whose face looks like a butt.

2. B is for Beaverhausen.

B is for Beaverhausen.

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Beaverhausen [noun]: where the beaver lives; handy to use as part of an alias.

3. C is for Chanel.

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Chanel [noun]: rich people clothes.

4. D is for Designated Drinker.

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Designated Drinker [noun]: a friend who is never sober.

5. E is for Emotions.

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Emotions [noun]: feelings only weak people experience.

6. F is for Frosted Glass.

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Frosted Glass [noun]: the ideal vessel for a cocktail.

7. G is for Gin.

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Gin [noun]: broth for drunks.

8. H is for High Road.

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High Road [noun]: the route you take when you’re high.

9. I is for Immortal.

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Immortal [adjective]: the ability to live forever, usually through a pact with the devil.

10. J is for Juice Boxes.

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Juice Boxes [noun]: cheap wine for adults.

11. K is for Karen Walker.

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Karen Walker [noun]: the oldest, drunkest, most fabulous woman on Earth.

12. L is for Look.

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Look [noun]: the exhausting act of directing one’s gaze toward something.

13. M is for Mood Elevators.

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Mood Elevators [noun]: happy pills.

14. N is for Nobody.

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Nobody [noun]: any person who is not Karen Walker.

15. O is for Outside.

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Outside [noun]: a location separate from your mansion.

16. P is for Pretend.

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Pretend [verb]: the act of feigning interest in Grace Adler’s life.

17. Q is for Quack.

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Quack [noun]: harsh sound used to shut people up.

18. R is for Regret.

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Regret [verb]: a feeling often associated with alcohol.

19. S is for Slap.

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Slap [verb]: to hit someone with an open hand in order to show them who’s boss.

20. T is for Tact.

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Tact [noun]: sensitivity in dealing with humorless people.

21. U is for Under the Sink.

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Under the Sink [noun]: a place to store and find prescription drugs.

22. V is for Vodka.

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Vodka [noun]: alcohol, for when there is no gin.

23. W is for What’s This?

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What’s This [phrase]: a question to which Grace rarely has an answer.

24. X is for Xanax.

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Xanax [noun]: anxiety medication used by Karen as a security blanket.

25. Y is for You Know.

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You Know [phrase]: a way to clue your friends in on your hobbies.

26. Z is for Zoo.

NBC / Warner Bros. Television / Via youtube.com

Zoo [noun]: a place to poke bears.

NBC / Warner Bros. Television / Via fanpop.com

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/bricesander/the-alphabet-according-to-karen-walker

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